AI Mash-Ups: A Game of Omens (GRRM vs Gaiman & Pratchett)

The king was dead.

The world was ending.

The angel of death was going to cry.

He wasn’t a very ambitious angel, and he didn’t really believe in signposts.

Eh, to have been a flowerpot in a previous life.

Crowley was his name, stitched inside his leathers like a wolf in a great cosmic game of chess. He was a small, bespectacled man with a golden smile and a voice that sounded like something that might once have been a flowerpot.

As he stared mournfully at the map of the eyrie, a little boy of eight baked a witch in the garden. Tyrion Lannister was sitting on the table and kicking the angel in the face.

“I will gladly provide you with a wooden sword and a half thousand years of destruction,” Tyrion said.

The angel did not seem to have noticed that his company was a small dog in truth.

Ned Stark screamed at his clipboard and signed his life away to the night’s watch.


 

Somewhere in the air base of Winterfell was a man who smelled of moist slaughtering and burning women.

He looked at a feast of salt beef and pickled fish and frogs and stuff, and he could scarcely believe that you were a houseplant. He started drinking cocoa and took off his forehead; wrinkled like a bull moose in a high lord’s pavilion.

The man hurriedly gathered the last of his eyes and began to whistle a tune. He was feeling slightly manic today, and tomorrow would probably be just like cows stinging manticores, tigers, and lemurs with silver bullets and accurate caricatures of the Kingsguard. The door opened and a pair of guardsmen marched through the wreckage of the night.

“We need to kill everyone right now,” said Brian reassuringly.

“It is written in the yard, and we must not neglect the car radio. Why does everything need to die?” asked the police constable.

“Because all men are made of drainpipes and horsemeat, Khaleesi,” said Brian pragmatically, “you know that teachers have to remember the difference between right and left without a skirmish of the apocalypse.”

The police constable was leaning on a black bentley driven by the King of the Seven Hells.

“I don’t suppose we can reveal our little piggy to the Lannisters?” he asked.

Brian snorted and tossed his face on the Kingsroad.

“We don’t have birthdays of the dragon dream.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I mean to say… you are a dead centipede with a wooden smile.”

Suddenly the stars fell down into the room and Catelyn was seriously thinking about leaving the metropolitan police.

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